Years ago, I was talking to one of my daughters about an early boyfriend.  She was sitting on my couch and I said something that caught her off-guard.  I told her that she “needed” this boyfriend too much.

I went on to explain to her that it’s better to want than need.  “Your mother,” I said. “Doesn’t need me.  If I left tomorrow, she would be fine.  Sure, she would be sad.  She would miss me.  But her entire world is not tied to me.  She doesn’t need me.  She wants me.  That’s even better.”

It’s Better To Want Than Need

I was thinking about this recently while listening to a podcast with Matthew McCougnahay.  He talked about early in his career when he got to Hollywood.  He was desperate to succeed, living on a friend’s couch, begging to get a meeting with an agent.  The friend told him “he needed” it too much.  He reeked of desperation.  So his friend told him to leave Hollywood and go to Europe.  He did as his friend suggested and came back a new man.  He didn’t NEED the meeting so badly…so he got one.  While in the meeting, his attitude changed from why he needed the agent to why they needed him.  He got his confidence and cool back…and success started to come his way.

I see this sometimes in sales too.  When we are new in sales, we desperately need to succeed.  We want to prove ourselves on the job (and to be honest) we need to eat!  While some of that desperation can push us to work harder, prospects can also smell it.  When we are in a state of “need” we discount our own worth.  We are far more likely to beg for the order than to show value.

Being driven is one thing.  We just don’t want to be desperate.  It’s better to want than to need.

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